Raising the Flag on Mount Yo Momma — 68 of 87

Juhana Leinonen

Release 3

Chapter Sleaze

The Sleaze is a man in the Bar. The Sleaze is improper-named. The printed name is "dubious-looking guy". The initial appearance is "[sleaze-appearance][run paragraph on]". The description is "[The Sleaze] is an obnoxious mix of overconfidence and desperation in its mid-30s. He wears a cheap white suit with large collars and matching shoes. His shirt is unbuttoned halfway down showcasing an uneven patch of chest hair. A thick layer of grease keeps his hair combed back.[if the Sleaze is beaten and the dripping substance of the Sleaze is not nothing][line break]Vincent has left him quite ruffled and [dripping substance] is dripping down his face.[otherwise if beaten][paragraph break]He looks quite ruffled after the Vincent incident.[otherwise if the dripping substance of the Sleaze is not nothing] Drips of [dripping substance] are falling from his face on his suit.[end if]".

To say sleaze-appearance:

say "[if recently beaten][The sleaze] is lying face down on the floor[otherwise if introduced]The Sleaze is leaning on the counter, eyeing you and giving an occasional wink[otherwise][A sleaze] is leaning on the counter[end if].[run paragraph on]".

The Sleaze has an object called the dripping substance. The dripping substance of the Sleaze is nothing.

The Sleaze can be introduced. The Sleaze is not introduced.

Understand "dubious" and "dubious-looking" and "dubious looking" as the Sleaze.

Understand "mcdouchebag" and "douchebag" and "douche" and "sleazeball" and "sleazebag" as the Sleaze when the Sleaze is introduced.

After examining the Sleaze when the Sleaze is not introduced:

say "The guy notices you looking at him and flashes a bleached smile.";

try talking to the Sleaze.

Instead of talking to the Sleaze when the Sleaze is not introduced:

say "'Well hello there sparkly-eyes!' the guy says. 'My name is Sleazeball McDouchebag, but you can call me Sleaze.'

(That's not what he actually says, but that's what your brain hears.)";

now the printed name of the Sleaze is "Sleaze";

now the Sleaze is introduced.

Table of Sleaze Conversation

"'How old are you, angelface?'[paragraph break]'Sevent--'[paragraph break]'Twenty-one, eh? Perfect.' He pulls mouthspray from his pocket and squirts it five or six times in his mouth."
"'Did you know I make sixty... seventy... a HUNDRED grand a year? Yeah, I'm the number one salesman at the leading automobile sales establishment in the country. In fact, I'm here RIGHT NOW to give you the ride of your life, baby!'[paragraph break]You hold back a gag reflex."
"'Kinda slow night, babe-wise,' he muses. 'I wonder if the VIPs would be ready to party. Well, without a pass a man can only dream.'"
"'Hey sweet-lips, can I buy you a drink? Just point at what you want from the menu and' -- he pauses to make a tongue-clicking and akimbo finger guns -- 'it's yours.'"

Instead of talking to the Sleaze when the Sleaze is introduced:

repeat through Table of Sleaze Conversation:

say "[quip entry][line break]";

if the number of filled rows in the Table of Sleaze Conversation is greater than 1:

blank out the whole row;


After examining the clothes when the Sleaze is in the location:

say "'You know, baby, I don['] like that fad with the baggy clothes and all. Chicks got shapes an['] they're just goin['] to waste if you don['] show [']em,' [the sleaze] remarks."

Check kissing the Sleaze:

say "You. Would. Rather. Die." instead.

Check dancing with the Sleaze:

say "Dancing with him comes in your to-do list right after gouging your own eyes out with a rusty spoon." instead.

Check touching the Sleaze:

say "'Yeah, baby, you touch me and then I'll touch you,' [the Sleaze] says and shoves his hands in the groping position.

You decide not to touch him."

Check attacking the Sleaze:

ignore the block attacking rule.

Report attacking the Sleaze:

say "[one of]*slap*[paragraph break]'Ooh, feisty! Show me your claws, tiger girl!'[or]*smack*[paragraph break]'Yeah, that's really hot and all, but it also kinda hurt.'[or]You whip the back of you hand at him. His head jolts to the side.[paragraph break]'Ah, that's... painful,' he says rubbing his cheek.[or]You smack him right in the face with your fist. He falls down and jumps back up, dusting his jacket.[paragraph break]'Well, I guess I had that coming. Not givin['] up that easily though!' he says.[stopping]".

Instead of insulting the Sleaze:

say "[one of]'Ooh, I love it when women talk dirty! Let me have it, girl!'[or]Better not encourage him any more.[stopping]".

Table of Sleaze Flavor Text

"[The Sleaze] is engaged in a staring contest with your boobs."
"[The Sleaze] licks a toothpick from his martini slowly from end to end, all the while looking you straight in the eyes."
"[The Sleaze] presents a short but vomit-inducing gesture show."
"'Why don't you know who an['] you know who go you know where with you know what an['] do you know what using you know what?' [the Sleaze] suggests. You do your best to ignore him."
"[The Sleaze] produces a pocket mirror and seems to like what he sees. He puts it briefly away, changes his mind and then looks at himself some more."
"A glare hits you in the eye. It seems to have come from [the Sleaze]'s bleached row of unnaturally white teeth."
"[The Sleaze] dry-humps a bar stool."
"[The Sleaze] decides he needs a refill and applies the mouthspray a couple more times."

Flavor text rule when the player is in the location of the Sleaze and the Sleaze is introduced and the Sleaze is in the bar and not talking to the Sleaze and a random chance of 1 in 8 succeeds:

choose a random row in the Table of Sleaze Flavor Text;

say "[flavor entry][line break]".

Check smelling the Sleaze:

ignore the block smelling rule.

Report smelling the Sleaze (this is the smell description of the Sleaze rule):

say "The smell of [the Sleaze]'s cheap aftershave is overpowering. What it lacks in quality it makes up in quantity."

Every turn when the Sleaze is recently beaten and the player is in the Bar:

say "The Sleaze picks himself up from the floor and sways back to the counter. '[one of]Man, if it wasn't for the prime tail in this joint, I wouldn't come here anymore[or]Sheez, I wonder what that guy's problem was[or]I guess some people just can't handle my good looks[or]That dude needs to get laid[at random],' he mutters.";

now the Sleaze is not recently beaten;

if the business card is not known:

now the business card is in the bar;

now the business card is familiar.

Instead of throwing a drink at the Sleaze:

say "You splash [the noun] on [the Sleaze].[paragraph break]'[one of]That always happens. Why is that?' [the Sleaze] ponders[or]Hey, it's a 150 bucks suit! Wait, I mean a 1500 bucks suit,' [the Sleaze] says[or]Playing hard to get I see,' [the Sleaze] winks[at random] with [the noun] dripping down his face.";

change the dripping substance of the Sleaze to the noun.

Instead of taking the Sleaze:

say "[one of]'Yeah, baby. Take me right here!'[paragraph break]Maybe it's better not to do that again.[or]Or maybe not.[stopping]".

Every turn when the Sleaze is totally beaten and the location is the location of the Sleaze:

say "[The Sleaze] lies on the floor in an unnatural position. His clothes are torn and he's missing a couple of teeth. 'Oh man, am I gonna be sore tomorrow,' he wheezes.

He pulls himself up from the floor. 'This is getting way too much pain and too little reward,' he mutters. 'I guess I'll just go home to the wife.'

[The Sleaze] staggers out the entrance and trips on the sill. 'Oopsie, looks like someone is too drunk to get home by their own,' the bouncer says. 'Better call the cops so you can spend the rest of the night safely in the jail sobering up.'";

remove the Sleaze from play;

award 1 point for "making the Sleaze leave".

Instead of zapping the Sleaze with the taser:

say "[one of]You take the taser and thrust it in [the Sleaze]'s ribs. 'YeeOW! That's way too kinky for my tastes!'[or]You pull out the taser and casually take a swing at [the Sleaze]. 'T-t-t-t-that's unfair!' he cries.[or][The Sleaze] hears the taser prime and his muscles get tense.[paragraph break]'This is quite' *kZap* 'PAINFUL you know!'[stopping]".

Instead of showing a drink to the Sleaze:

if the noun is spiced:

say "'Uh... Thanks, but why don't [italic type]you[roman type] drink it? I bought it just for you,' [the Sleaze] says.";


say "'Hey now, you have it the wrong way around. It's me who's supposed to get you drunk... I mean, no thanks,' he says."

The hint list of the Sleaze is the table of Sleaze hints.

Table of Sleaze hints

"The guy's really annoying, isn't he?"
"He will turn out useful in many ways, nevertheless."
"He's willing to spend money in his quest for booty."
"Talk to him until he tells you how he's willing to spend his money."
"If he really starts to get on your nerves, you can get him beaten up."
"Insult Vincent and have him beat [the Sleaze]."
"Did you notice the poster in the bar?"
"If the poster tells you not to do something, you should definitely try it."
"Have [the Sleaze] buy you something. Don't take the drink but leave and come back later."
"The spiked drink will come in handy."
"[The Sleaze] might be interested in the VIP lounge."
"Find him a VIP pass and he'll go to the lounge to look for fresh meat."
"Other than that, [the Sleaze] is just annoying."